What I Wish I'd Said . . .
The Family Dynamics of Church Business

I hate it when that happens . . . but I didn’t have an answer. It wasn’t until later that I figured out how to explain it. I had been asked why our church could have board meetings that stretched into the wee small hours while mega-million dollar financial institutions, downtown in the Chicago Loop, make do with crisp 30-45 minute meetings.

We were eating a wonderful dinner in a home that underlined the success my host enjoyed in everything he set his mind to. I liked this man and had great respect for him, so when I struggled to come up with an explanation I am certain part of it was my own sense of failure to find adequate ways to restrict monthly board meetings to more manageable lengths. Yet, it’s not like I was enjoying them so much I didn’t want them to end.

Our church constitution gave a good bit of authority to the chair, who was elected by the board. That meant meeting formats could change radically with each new chair. But complicating factors, I would come to understand, were more fundamental to the nature of a church.

There is a reason Paul, in his epistles, addresses his readers as brothers and sisters, or even speaks of them as his dear children. A church is family. And while there is much the church can learn from business practice, it can also stubbornly undermine that sort of efficiency. Many a successful businessperson has discovered this trying to apply finely honed organizational skills to their own family.

Think about it.
A family is often controlled
by the smallest and newest member
who decides to throw a fit
for reasons sometimes impossible to discern.

What new hire out of college has that kind of clout in a business? Yet many a church has found they spend considerable energy with immature members. Remember the criticism the Apostle Paul brought upon himself by insisting that God wanted the Christian Church to embrace unwashed gentiles. To the Judaisers it was a lot neater to baptize well-trained Jews than start at ground zero with gentiles who brought all sorts of sinful baggage with them.

In a family we forego the option of a probationary period since we do not choose our children, nor do children choose their parents. We are left to make the best of the situation, understanding that the end product is character and, in God’s sovereignty, He will use your family to wear down your rough edges and make you a better person. In this way a family is dominated by long-term objectives rather than short-term profit.

So this is the first way a church is about family dynamics. Even after choosing our church, we find ourselves thrown into working relationships with Christian brothers and sisters who test us greatly. This was even more the case in the early church which encompassed all Christians in a particular town!

But there is an added family component. A church is like a company whose organizational hierarchy and lines of communication are constantly bypassed by natural family alliances. Perhaps the biggest surprise executives have when they join a church board is having their decisions on something like the children’s ministry (which seemed so clear at the board meeting) ripped apart by a spouse who, for years, has lived and died by that ministry. The spouse never had the means or motivation to question the executive’s decisions in the workplace, having only observed the business from a far.

Many a pastor
has found that a unanimous board decision
turned out to be far from unanimous
after board members
consulted family members.

No wonder businesses tend to be very suspicious of family alliances, often regulating and prohibiting the hiring of close family members. Of course, such a policy would go against everything a church stands for, but we should be no less surprised that it complicates our decision-making.

So what do we do . . . throw out the agenda? By no means. Utilize the best business techniques to streamline board meetings, but realize that it is a far more relationally complicated group than most businesses would have. Make those relationships a priority in your schedule. Work with former board members to create an orientation process sufficient to prepare new board members for what they will face. And don’t make major decisions without giving the board sufficient time to get more input.

Perhaps most importantly, constantly remind yourself when you are puzzled by how illogical and unbusinesslike decision-making can be in the church that you are, at best, a family . . . God’s family. God uses this family to mold and shape people to His glory. Even though the process leaves you a bit battered and bruised at times, you are still in Potter’s hands.

And if I could go back and edit my ups and downs of ministry (wouldn’t that be great!) I would answer my dinner host this way. Without first trying to describe the differences between a church and a family, I would concede there is much the church can and should learn from business techniques. That’s why God gives us people like my host. Then I would ask them if they have ever had family councils, and if the same techniques work as efficiently with their own family. That would have led us into a discussion of some of the vagaries and frustrations in family dynamics. Only then would I discuss the similarities between family and church.